Once I heard a talk by Jill Crosby, founder of the dating website Spiritual Singles. Earlier in her career, she had worked in the research departments of some of the “big” dating websites (match.com; eHarmony). In her work surveying single people, she found that the single most important factor was worthiness - they all struggled with it.
I identified with that immediately. When I was in my twenties and early thirties, I often wondered why the men I was dating tended to see me as “second-best” (the one-night stand, or the girl you date until you find “the one”). Later, I realized they were simply mirroring back a painful belief I had inside: I’m left out of love. Everyone gets it but me.
When Darrin and I first fell in love, he told me that I was a diamond and he was my appraiser. Many other men in my life might have seen that diamond and admired it – but they didn’t fully appreciate its worth. Only my sacred partner could do that.
Here’s the secret: before he came into my life, I had already become my own diamond appraiser. After figuring out what my painful belief was, I learned how to lovingly work with the emotions underneath it, and then create a happy new love story for myself. And that’s what was in my heart when I met Darrin.
Most of us are still harboring painful beliefs about ourselves - untrue stories about our lack of worthiness that we adopted as a young child. And even though those beliefs are no longer serving us, they have become like the comfortable terrycloth robe that we simply do not want to let go of (at least on a subconscious level).
Until the day that we set a strong intention to do so. This is the point where we decide that the pain of holding onto that old belief is no longer tolerable, and we must change it.
When we finally decide to run towards our own healing, the Universe usually meets us halfway. We are guided to exactly the resources that we need in order to transform: the right therapist, support group, spiritual practice, healer, or teacher. That's because our naturally evolution as humans is towards healing - as long as we heed the call.
If you're at your breaking point with worn-out beliefs about worthiness that are getting in your way of love, I invite you to join me for my workshop series, "Date for your Soulmate: Parts 1&2," on February 19th & 25th, 7-9 p.m., at Design Cafe Dabang, on Pico Blvd. in Los Angeles. Reserve your spot here.